Do Not Spill Thy Seed

This one has to just be my thoughts. It’s one of those nights. So I won’t give research ideas or claim all of it as fact. My back problems have kicked in, and my legs ache so badly. I am feeling sick to my stomach. I need to remind myself it could be so much worse, or get my mind off the pain. You know, whatever works. This may read more like a rant.

I posted quite a bit of controversial stuff on FB today, and I am sure it ticked a few people off. They want to go out and get me a white jacket. Though, they have learned how I am, and stopped saying so. I’ve told them before they can scroll past my posts, click the x that will hide my posts, or delete me from their friend list. Something keeps them there.

Either way it is my facebook page, and I have the right to post whatever I want, at least, until they start them internet regulations; and if everyone keeps getting pissed, and laughing at all of this instead of researching it for themselves, they will.

I am grateful to have met Raychelle. She might get tired of hearing me say this, but she has taught me so much. At a time in life when I was suicidal, full of fear and losing everyone and everything she saved me. And one thing she taught me was that I could research information without fear. That I needed to slow down, file it away for possible future use, and move on. She helped me stop being afraid and listen to reason and logic and common sense. I’ve always had them, but fear interrupts the natural thought process.

It irritates me when people get upset and call Harold Camping’s followers dumb. It irritates me because I have never been dumb. I excelled in school, and do today. I have Trina moments, as Dan likes to call them…lol. But on every level where it counts I am far from stupid. It is fear. It is that fear that is instilled in you, that someone told you when you were young, about an eternal place where a loving God will burn you forever. Forever and ever without end you are going to be tortured, you will burn for your sins, but he loves you.

It is that fear that if you are alive in what they call “the most exciting times” you will be put through worldwide earthquakes and famines. They will kill you for believing in Jesus, but you better die and not deny his name. Muslim children teach their children to not only die, but kill themselves for their God. And nobody sees anything wrong with any of it! Religions that teach their children to die for an invisible man in the sky is terrorism. Children learn the most from ages 0-5. That is why for so many breaking free is the hardest thing they will ever do.

Who in their right mind would pray for an end to the world that would come in such a manner? Who? Do you pray every night that Jesus come quickly, like the bible says to do? Because you do understand that when he comes it isn’t going to be all fluffy love and floating on fucking clouds, right?

That fear can make the smartest people make the stupidest choices. I heard one atheist say that Harold Camping’s followers who gave all that they had should have their children taken away, because that is child neglect. What the fuck? No. They might need a little therapy, some reason, some logic and common sense lessons, but they do not need to lose their children.

And I know myself and others have talked about survival of the fittest. I guess I can’t bring myself to honestly go that far. I care too much about other people. I just do. I believe that as we evolve we gain a higher consciousness. Look how far we have already come from primitive man. And you tell me that we have not gained an appreciation for love, an understanding that we have all needs, and deserve them met as much as anyone? People say the world has grown more evil and selfish, but the truth is…I find more people care about people now than ever before.

And people care about themselves. They are freeing themselves from the thought that to take the slightest pride in what they do is sin. I have learned to love myself. To not care what others think, or say, or do. To appreciate my own needs, while meeting the needs of others. And that is okay. I wish more people would. Because when you are not afraid some God might get pissed if you take a compliment about what you have accomplished it feels good.

And if God is real I am sure he or she would rather you felt good, because feeling bad is linked to physical and mental health problems. And I’m sorry, but why would any God want you sick? You have to admit it does you good to know someone appreciates something you’ve done or created? Accept that you are good at what you do, and own it.

Sure, if you are Christian you don’t like the evil music, the sex on TV, the every day things we do exposed to one another, this generation standing up and believing in themselves, wanting to make the world better…because you know…it’s a dirty secret that people have sex, listen to music, and watch TV. I mean, it isn’t like the whole world does it or anything. And you don’t want the world to unite in love and co-exist. Because your God said one race is superior over all races, and gave a dog a bone.

Matthew 15:22-28 A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, “Lord, Son of David, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession.” Jesus did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, “Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us.” He answered, “I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel.” The woman came and knelt before him. “Lord, help me!” she said. He replied, “It is not right to take the children’s bread and toss it to their dogs.” “Yes, Lord,” she said, “but even the dogs eat the crumbs that fall from their masters’ table.” Then Jesus answered, “Woman, you have great faith! Your request is granted.” And her daughter was healed from that very hour.

But he created us all, and loves all the little children; red and yellow, black and white. BS. The Jews created him. And I am not mad at the Jews. I am mad at the elite men in power who have the world fooled. I am mad that history was re-written. I am mad that people can say and do what they want, and even cause wars; because they say what is written in their holy book is true without proof. Wasted money, resources, and time. The unnecessary death of men, women, and children. Senseless mother fucking acts in the name of a God I wouldn’t worship if he was real.

And I wonder if I come up with a holy book if people 2000 years from now would still use it, and claim it as truth? Would they teach it to their kids? There are so many already though, I might just leave that alone. People are confused enough.

Overall I believe the world has become more loving than it’s ever been. People feed the hungry, donate time, build free houses for those less fortunate, extend shelter, food, and basic needs, the list goes on. But everybody only looks around and sees evil. Nobody mentions the good. And I am quite sick of it all. Because the world was barbarian all them years ago, and look at us today! How is that evil?

When someone does something to me I consider their backgrounds, and I think of it as if I were a psychologist trying to diagnose a disorder. Laugh if you will. But I know I have problems, and that sometimes those problems can make me say and do things I regret. It is why I started using replacement thought therapy. People are just damaged by the shit that happens to them in life. They are angry, or crippled by the fear of something, or so deeply hurt. They build their own protective mechanisms that can, sometimes, feel so damn personal. But the truth is that it really seldom ever is. And looking at things like this not only enables me to truly forgive others, and be at peace, but it’s the truth. Why are others not worthy of the time it takes to heal them from their past if I am?

The things I have done to my children, such as confusing them with religion, I did because I thought it was best at the time. I did it because that is what I had been taught. I did not do it to hurt them. When I snap at my husband he tells me to make a pot of coffee, because he knows I am not upset with him. I simply had a bad day. Open your eyes and feel beyond the pain and realize the world does not revolve around you.

Back to Camping’s followers, they were only doing what their parents did, and passing along a religious tradition. They either fear their God too much not to teach their children, or they don’t think much about it, because it’s just what they’ve been taught. It’s like when two people from different backgrounds try to do the same chore. When I do the dishes I place the tip of the knives downward, so nobody gets any cuts or slices if they reach to grab one. When my husband used to the dishes I would bitch so much, because well, I got cuts and slices from grabbing knives he placed tip up in the drainer. It makes me wonder how people from two different religions can actually make it work. That is far stricter than dishes.

And the people that don’t really take their religion seriously make me the maddest. Some don’t go to church, sleep with folks they aren’t married to, drink loads of beer, do drugs, abuse their children, post half naked pictures of themselves on the internet, and the state they are saved by the grace of God. I want to slap them!

Most of those who call themselves Christians have never read their bible. If they do it’s most likely the less damaging New Testament. The only portions they have heard are from the pulpit Sunday morning, as the Pastor reads about tithes and love and hell. He won’t read shit like this:

Leviticus

And the LORD spoke unto Moses, saying, Speak unto Aaron, saying, whosoever he is of thy seed in their generations that hath any blemish, let him not approach to offer the bread of his God. For whatsoever man he be that hath a blemish, he shall not approach: a blind man, or a lame, or he that hath a flat nose, or any thing superfluous, Or a man that is broken footed, or broken handed, Or crookback, or a dwarf, or that hath a blemish in his eye, or be scurvy, or scabbed, or hath his stones broken; No man that hath a blemish of the seed of Aaron the priest shall come nigh to offer the offerings of the LORD made by fire: he hath a blemish; he shall not come nigh to offer the bread of his God.

In other words, keep those creepy physical defectives away from my holy altar! God is love, doncha know, God is love. God denied people born with physical disabilities, but everyone was formed perfect and wonderfully made according to Jeremiah. How can he create a disabled person, and then punish them for it? Hmmm…how can he create a human race, fill them with desires he doesn’t want them to have, and then burn them forever when they succumb to those desires?

I doubt your Pastor has ever done a sermon on these bible topics, either:

• The punishment of all women because Eve dared to eat from the Tree of Knowledge

• The destruction of nearly every living thing, because God got it in his head that "the wickedness of man was great"

• Completely uncivilized slave-banging and otherwise legitimizing slavery as a legal activity

• A Bible hero offering up his virginal daughters to an angry mob (and the daughters subsequently raping him)

• God insisting that Abraham be willing to stab his son to death on a sacrificial altar, and surely traumatizing the kid in the process

• Members of Yahweh’s favorite family avenging a single act of rape by tricking an entire city of men into getting circumcised and then killing them all

• After killing a young man the Lord deems wicked, killing his brother for not wanting to impregnate his sister-in-law

• God randomly trying to kill his right-hand man, Moses

• The plague after plague unleashed on the Egyptians — including the slaves and animals — because God hardened Pharaoh's heart so he wouldn't let the Israelites go and have a picnic in His honor. And making an annual celebration of the killing of every firstborn Egyptian.

• Yahweh claiming ownership of every firstborn male, including of the human variety, with the seeming implication that he wants them sacrificed in his honor

• Meting out punishment not only on infidels, but on three or four generations of their offspring

• Repeated calls to execute people who work on the Sabbath

• A 9/11-sized massacre of fellow Israelites because they dance around a golden idol

• Endless descriptions of reasons and methods for absolving human sins by ritually sacrificing animals, including rituals where one animal is soaked in the blood of its butchered brethren

• The Good Lord burning two children alive for lighting some incense, and then forbidding their father — His #1 priest — from grieving the loss

• Or a thousand and one countless atrocities that involve the dashing of infants against stones, the ripping of fetuses from their mother’s wombs, the rape and pillage and commanded killing of towns, etc.

But if you bring the passages up they will apologize for their god. They will tell you his ways are higher than our ways, and his thoughts so much higher than our thoughts. We could never understand. They scream pro-life at rallies with their bible in their hands.

Isn’t that retarded? I hate using that word, but think about it. God doesn’t care if you kill a fetus. He ripped thousands from the womb, and even let some be born to dash against stones. They will say God knows your heart, you shouldn’t doubt. Sometimes he is just mysterious like that.

And I say, I would not punish my youngest daughter for something my oldest daughter did. I would not punish the entire world for the wickedness of some. I would not want to own another human being, nor have it legal for others to do so. Nor command them to beat them, so long as they don’t kill them. God certainly had no problem killing innocent babies, but don’t kill the slaves. They were far too valuable.

I would never offer my daughters up to an angry mob, nor approve of daughters raping their fathers. Nor would I sacrifice my son on an altar. Even with the ram God provided I can only imagine the terror that boy lived with after that. I don’t believe it is right to trick people into doing what you want them to do, especially if you are only going to kill them anyway. But that’s God style; hell and all.

What would you think if you watched the news today, and you heard a story about a man? This man took his small son to a mountain, and strapped him to an altar, and was ready to kill him in the name of God. But at the last minute the man chose a ram instead. If you really heard this on the new what would you think? What would you think if your own father took you to a mountain, and said sorry son, but you have to die today; God said so? Even if you were spared wouldn’t you have animosity toward your dad and his God?

I would be real upset if my husband passed away. The last thing I would want is a kid by his brother. How confusing would that be? And when this brother spilled his seed on the ground he killed him…

Genesis 38

8 Then Judah said to Onan, “Sleep with your brother’s wife and fulfill your duty to her as a brother-in-law to rise up offspring for your brother.” 9 but Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother’s wife, he spilled his semen on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother. 10 What he did was wicked in the Lord’s sight; so the LORD put him to death also.

I would not kill my right hand man. I would not purposefully make it so someone had no choice but to deny me, and then kill their first born, release plagues, and drown them all in the sea. I wouldn’t sacrifice my children in his honor. Nor would I want them sacrificed to me. You get the picture. My morality far outshines the morality of God, and so does most of the worlds’ morality.

Think about the bible long and hard. The things it says. I am agnostic, so I believe there could very well be a higher power. I do not believe it is any of the Gods we have talked about in the world today.

But I do know that if I said God told me I could dash my babies against those stones I would be in prison regardless. But the same book’s Ten Commandments hang in courthouses. I do know that if I told them God said I could rape those women they would laugh at me. While they sat holding their bibles in church Sunday morning, never knowing how many virgin women God told his special race to rape.

I know that if I said God told me I could kidnap and enslave my neighbor they would lock me up tight. But think nothing of it when God says it was not only okay, but that we can beat them, so long as they don’t die. They can’t have it both fucking ways.

And they cannot sit there and say they are going to heaven when they don’t even know what God has said in his damn book. They say they don’t need to go to church, or read the bible, just believe. Well that isn’t what their bible says, now is it? NO. Because the whole reason I stopped being that type of nonchalant Christian was because the bible said I needed to take God seriously, study to show myself approved, and meditate on his word day and night. So I did. And I cried night after night because I had let my kids read that book after thinking Disney was bad and throwing all their movies away, because I could not accept the answers apologists give, because when my own morality and the innocent sense of justice of my 9 year old daughter outweighed my God my God could no longer be real.

Anyhow, I suppose this is more of a vent than anything. Another thing to thank Raychelle for; linking me to this blog. To be honest I really don’t care if anyone reads this. As someone who writes to communicate, through stories, poetry, letters…sometimes I just need to write. And it wouldn’t matter if I wrote this on paper. I could rip it up and throw it away. It just makes me feel better to get it all out, and I type so much faster than I write. And some things really piss people off on facebook. So this works great.

I am off to do what I should have done earlier. My stomach feels better. The anger fuels me, I suppose…lol.

And if anyone read this far it may have been Raychelle. LMAO Not sure anyone else loves me enough for that. ; )